The last few weeks, I have chosen to not attack hot topics in spite of a recent goad by a fellow columnist. It is time to stir less and mend more. Therefore, let’s enjoy some humor and not hate.

As I have said before, puns have always been my favorite type of humor. Last week, an old friend included me on some hilarious ones, but the cleverest one hit closest to home. We had spent a few days with my sister and her family. Both her daughters and their families are vegan. When Dick sent the list of puns from the Indian Hills Coventry site, I had to share. The best was: “Turning vegan would be a big missed-steak.”

I was off and running. Some are not totally puns, but are so funny that they had to be included. For example of a non-pun, “Just because you are offended does not mean you are right.” How true.

So let’s continue.

Having just returned from my first time in Hawaii, these:

I can’t wait to Maui you.

Don’t worry, beach happy.

In Hawaii, volcanos are always int-erupting.

From my own repertoire:

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I dreamed that I was drowning in an ocean made up of orange soda, but later I realized that it was just a Fanta Sea.

My English teacher explained the word “many” to me. It meant a lot.

A friend constantly annoyed me with bird puns, but I soon realized toucan play that game.

I heard that there was a kidnapping at school. It’s OK, he woke up.

A man jumped off a bridge in Paris. I heard he was in Seine.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve only myshelf to blame.

I danced once like no one was watching. My court date is pending.

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater. (Took me a minute.)

A couple more of my friend’s list that are not all puns:

Crushing pop cans is soda pressing.

I hate the snow. No, wait, I love the snow. Signed bi-polar bear.

When the smog lifts in California, UCLA.

For chemists, alcohol is not a problem but a solution.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

Double negatives are a no-no in English.

Well, to be frank, I would have to change my name.

Now a few too funny not to be in this list:

Beer nuts are for sale for $1.25 a bag. Deer nuts are under a buck.

It’s hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac, they always take things literally.

What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn’t around? Holmeless.

People are often shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.

What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, their flag is a big plus.

Someone stole my limbo stick from my garage. How low can some people go?

Puns about communism aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

The problem with political jokes is that sometimes they get elected.

Tell me that there isn’t some humor in some of the above that speak of our times. Enjoy, relax, and share.

Dennis Marek can be contacted through the Daily Journal at or through his personal email at