As I sat down to write another current topic on American politics I realized that no one cares what one man from Chebanse thinks, or any other man from Chebanse. We are so totally entrenched in our beliefs at this point, few of us will change our minds. So I decided with half the White House having this virus, I would leave them alone and just have some humor.

We need some intellectual humor to warm our hearts, our brains, and our spirits. I have collected over the years copies of puns that have tickled me and I thought what a better time to share. I have stolen all of these. There is not one original. I would invite my readers to send me their favorites and perhaps we can redo the article in the future with those additions. There are some racier ones that I have excluded, not because they are not funny, but I do have editors.

So what is a pun? It generally is word play using similar sounding words that have different meanings in a humorous way. The earliest example I could find is a cartoon with King Carol I of Rumania pointing a pistol at King Peter of Serbia. It seems that Rumania took away a part of Bulgaria from Serbia at the time. The title to the cartoon is Kleptoroumania, a reference to the psychological condition, Kleptomania.

Alright, that’s a bit heavy, but you get the point. Here are some easier and some more difficult ones that I have found.

Marc Anthony to Cleopatra, “You asped for it.”

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

My wife claims that I am the cheapest person she ever met. I’m not buying that.

My cross-eyed wife and I got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? “Suture yourself.”

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow has only 16? So the difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to a skating rink where the entry was half-priced. She called me a cheap skate.

The early treaty with one of the Native American tribes was historic. It was called a Seminole event.

If a man takes his wife out for sushi because she helped him with an important project, would that be a squid pro quo?

The new Army recruit did not fear his legendary drill sergeant during his training but his assistant, Corporal Punishment.

After his retirement, my auto mechanic turned to writing poetry. Now he’s firing on all syllables.

What kind of stereos do they have in Israel? Haifa delity.

Four guys because of a similarity to a certain South American camelid species, got into a serious shouting match which left them unable to speak. Thus, they became the four hoarse men of the alpaca lips.

In the future, the study of Sarah Palin and her efforts in helping John McCain in his run for the presidency will be known as Palin-tology.

Are you a Type-A personality? No, but I am well-known in other parts of Taiwan.

Now let’s finish up with my favorites:

Old divers never die; they just change their deep ends for Depends.

During the Clinton Administration, when it was time for music in the white House, the president would play his saxophone. Meanwhile, the vice-president would be busy creating algorithms.

Since I see a chiropractor from time to time, this is my second- favorite. “I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture, but I stand corrected.”

And the best: In a bar frequented by Harper Lee, the bartender was an avid birdwatcher. He also loved to create new cocktails which he would name after a bird. In her case, Harper always ordered the Tequila Mockingbird.

Enjoy and vote.

Dennis Marek can be contacted through the Daily Journal at editors@daily-journal.com or through his personal email at dmarek@amb-ltd.com.

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