I have trouble sleeping. Consequently, my mind races with innumerable thoughts. Whilst pondering, I am also listening to an irritating CPAP machine which, ironically, is supposed to help one sleep. This leads me to my first nightly observation:

How’s one supposed to sleep comfortably with hard plastic strapped tightly to their face? I have woken up with that mask on my forehead, over my ear and in my hand, having no idea how it got there. I suspect my wife does it, but haven’t caught her yet. One would think someone might invent a more user-friendly device, preferably by means of osmosis.

Other deliberations: Is it just me, or do restaurants purposely hire the cutest young girls as hostesses who have no concept of customer service? Seems with this group, no matter what time you get to the beanery, they are going to make a face and inform you the wait will be incredibly long. Obviously, your presence has become a major inconvenience and it’s their job to block customers from enjoying the establishment. Nobody is that cute.

I also wonder, are liberals really enjoying their march toward socialism? Seems currently they are actually trying to one-up each other, despite what has been going on daily in Venezuela. What’s next, everybody gets a free car? I’ll vote Democrat if they give me a free Bentley.

I’ll probably get in hot water over this one, but if a gal is going to get half-dressed and strut her stuff in public, why is it rude of me to look (assuming my wife is not within slapping distance)? I’m not blind, or dead, yet.

When did sweatpants become suitable attire for public appearances? Have we, as a society, gotten so lazy we can’t put on pants to go out to eat? I’m considered pleasingly plump, and am quite sure nobody wants to see me in tight sweatpants while they are eating.

There seems to be a trend of people prefacing a reply to a discussion with the words “yeah, no.” Well, which one is it, are you agreeing or disagreeing?

I’ve noticed the odds of food falling on my shirt at any meal to be nearing 100 percent. The more expensive the shirt, the higher the odds. It’s gotten so bad, when ordering a meatball sandwich, I order an extra meatball and request the waitress to throw it on my shirt, just to get the anxiety over with. Surely, I can’t be the only one with this challenge?

When, and why, did men start going to bridal showers, baby showers and multiple wedding parties? When I got married back in the dark ages, my biggest job was to show up on time. My wife seemed to like it that way, and we’ve been married 39 years now, despite an ever-increasing divorce rate.

Please explain to me how one can be a devout Catholic and believe in abortion? Is that not an oxymoron?

Why are people so distraught, bordering on hysteria, if someone breaks into their home to steal their money and television, but are completely oblivious to politicians taking their money through excessive taxation? That is your money, too. Will it become more obvious when politicians start taxing the air we breathe? Get involved people.

When did the use of crude four-letter words, particularly in mixed company or around children, become so prevalent? I once bemoaned this publicly and was informed this practice is no longer limited to just men. This was driven home upon the election to Congress of that clown from Detroit. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we spoke to each other in a more civil and polite manner, sans cursing? What are we teaching children? How to use four-letter curse words as verbs?

Speaking of words, every year, there are more words added to the English language. While this is being done, why don’t they start deleting extra useless letters from words in order to simplify spelling. For example, why are there two “d’s” in the word Wednesday, an “h” in school or schedule, or an “x” in xylophone? Who ran off with the “z?” Why can one spell the name “Alan” or “Allen, or have one “b” or two “b’s” in the name Webber? All this confuses folks and makes for wrong answers on spelling bees.

And, perhaps, the biggest wonder of all that really keeps me pondering at night, more so than what is on the other side of those black holes, is that for the life of me, I can’t wrap my brain around why Hillary Clinton still is not in prison?

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