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Abigail van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been dating a married man for the past three years, and everything was great. We were attached at the hip and inseparable. I thought we had something special going.

His wife abandoned him and their two children for more than a year, and he didn’t know anything about raising kids, so I stepped in to help. It was great. They were just like my own. I finally was happy. I had the life I wanted. He even met with a lawyer to get a divorce.

Suddenly, he announced he’s letting her come back because she has nowhere to go. I am devastated. Ever since her return, she has made his life a living hell. He tells everyone — including her — how miserable he is, and she does the same thing.

Why won’t he get a divorce? Should I wait for him? Did he ever really love me? — Loving Lady In Texas

DEAR LOVING LADY: There could be any number of reasons why he won’t divorce his wife. He might feel that, miserable as he is, a divorce would be too expensive. Or he might be trying to keep the family together “for the sake of the kids.” Or he even might love her.

That she is making his life a “living hell” is a problem of his own making. Please, for the sake of your own mental health, quit making it yours. Did he ever really love you? I can’t answer that, and neither can you. He certainly isn’t acting like someone who loves you.

Gather your strength and jump off the treadmill. It’s time to go on with your life.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.