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Abigail van Buren

DEAR ABBY: We get our children and grandchildren together twice per year. Our oldest daughter is divorced and, unfortunately, has a significant other the rest of our family cannot stand. He’s an arrogant, competitive know-it-all.

We have been around him only twice — the last two times the family got together. The second time was a disaster for the rest of us. Should we tell her we don’t want to invite him this year, and how do we say it? Or should we not tell her? — Tentative In Florida

DEAR TENTATIVE: Talk to your daughter about this. When you do, have handy a list of the ways he offended your family members at the gathering. Her significant other might be so self-centered he doesn’t realize he’s being obnoxious.

Ask her to ask him to dial back his need to compete, impress, cover for his own insecurity — whatever drives him. Then, give him one more chance. If that fails, do not invite him again, and tell her why. You always can see your daughter separately, I assume, and so can her siblings.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.