My son was playing with his cars the other day and my wife overheard this from his mouth:

“I have to masturbate to win the war.”

Now keep in mind, he has seen Transformers at least three times and if you have seen that movie, you know there is the scene where the mom accuses the boy of doing that particular one-on-none in his bedroom. So we know where Tyrece got it from.

Now, my wife, through a held-back laugh, tried to explain that “masturbate” was a word we don’t use. He admitted he didn’t know what it meant (Thank God, he’s only 9) and promised not use it again. Of course,  he will say it around his friends at school and the kid at school who knows everything will tell him what it means.

Needless to say, I fear the worst, mostly because eventually I am going to have to explain it to him in a fatherly way. I remember my talk with my dad.

Dad: “I want to talk to you about sex.”

Young Tim: “What do you want to know?”

That ended it right there. I was pretty much on my own.

However, I blog about this because it is hysterically funny, both in what he said and the endless possibilities of jokes including:

• If that was a way to win a war, I think we’d be out of Iraq and trying to find someone else to fight.

• You think we’re a warring nation now …

That’s the only clean ones I can think of at the moment. Anyone else?