There’s been a lot of celebrity news this week. The week began with the news that Jon and Kate Gosselin were ending their 10-year marriage. Their announcement was quickly overshadowed by the death of actress, Farrah Fawcett and later the death of singer, Michael Jackson.
However, I’d like to put the spotlight back on the parents made famous by TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus 8.” The Gosselins and their 8 children (twins and sextuplets) have been in front of the cameras for five seasons, and I admit to being a fan… initially.
The Wife began watching the show during her maternity leave with our now 3-year-old son. She was hooked, and I’d occasionally tune in too. Somehow watching Kate struggle with her herd made us feel better about our own ordeals. I couldn’t help but watch the show and think, “it could be worse.”
The Wife lost interest after about six months. I asked why the cable program had been stricken from our DVR and was told, “she (Kate) is just mean to him (Jon).”
I was proud of The Wife for even noticing something like that. And after she mentioned it, I began to notice it too. Thus, news of the break-up didn’t come as much of a surprise.
The Gosselin split did make me think of an article published earlier this month in The Wall Street Journal. Author, Sue Shellenbarger wrote about a recent study that focuses on involved fathers and “gatekeeping” mothers. The article reads:
“Fathers are free to choose their level of involvement. But negative gatekeeping by mothers — grimaces or criticism when men try to change a diaper or feed or play with a baby — can block out even fathers who believe they should be involved, says a 2008 study in the Journal of Family Psychology, led by Dr. Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan. Gatekeeping can be positive, too: When mothers encourage dads, the men tend to shoulder more child care.”
In my opinion, Kate seemed to be the ultimate “gatekeeper,” shooing Jon away whenever he tried to help with the kids and rolling her eyes whenever he completed a task using methods that differed from her own. Ultimately, this behavior may have pushed him so far away that there was no coming back.
I’m sad for the Gosselins, particularly the children. However, the split has made me recognize my own tendencies toward “gatekeeping.” I admit that sometimes, it’s just easier to rip a crying boy out of The Wife’s arms, knowing exactly what will soothe him. Letting someone other than the child’s primary care giver figure out the situation can be time consuming and often escalates the problem. But I need to remember how that makes The Wife feel. I think the best line in the WSJ story came with a quote from Kristen Dennison of Dover, Mass. - an admitted gatekeeper.
Ed (Kristen’s husband) is “a great dad,” she adds; refraining from gatekeeping is “like being in the passenger seat when somebody else is driving. You just have to trust that it’s going to be OK.”
The college cost-cutting measure that grabbed our attention the most was having sporting events in which the opponents never meet (hey, it saves on travel).
We are referring to the action by Dickinson College and Bryn Mawr College to have a “virtual swim meet” by timing their swimmers in their own pools and comparing times to determine the winners. It saved Dickinson College about $900 on travel.
During one of our many drives back and forth to Vacation Bible Fun this week, the kids and I were discussing an article I had read in “The New York Times” about how colleges are becoming more thrifty and studying every budget line item.
In our nature, outdoors and wilderness class at Vacation Bible Fun, we also discussed the importance of saving the earth by doing several small things that make a big difference.
The kids laughed at the fact that some colleges in Ohio and California were saving thousands by cutting back on window washing. Oh, we know how it feels to squint out dirty windows. Guilty. Guilty as charged.
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Did you hear the story about the man living in a closet?
Don’t get the wrong idea, the space is huge for being defined as a closet. Not like those tiny closets in homes built decades ago.
It is 77 square feet and he pays $150 per month rent in Delray Beach, Fla., to live above a restaurant. He has a microwave and a dorm fridge in there, too.
One person surviving in a small space.
This fascinates the kids and me.
We were impressed that the little room has a view. It has one window.
Seems like it would be about the size of my first few dorm rooms. His bed is up in the air just like those bunk beds we had sophomore year.
In the dorm room, you are “sharing” very little space. That is something for recent high school graduates to keep in mind.
With a width of 5 1/2 feet in this guy’s closet apartment, we could put a hand on opposite walls at the same time.
And the kids thought their rooms were small. I reminded them what it was like growing up sharing a three-bedroom house with my family of six.
I keep feeling I should have a suntan by now. It’s mid-June after all. Yet, it feels more like spring than summer. Everyday seems to start or end with rain, and the temperature is often chilly. That’s fine for Seattle, but it’s certainly not what I’m used in the Midwest, approaching the Fourth of July.
My concern about the weather is likely driven by the scheduling of my son’s third birthday party. Bubba turned three on Sunday, but we planned the party for this Saturday. The date was chosen to accommodate my in-laws, who are traveling from Texas for the party as well as several other events they have planned.
Thus far, the dreary start to summer hasn’t had much of an impact on my life. Of course, I would like to take the boys out in the stroller for more summertime walks. And, I love lounging with the boys in the kiddie pool as well as watching them run through the sprinkler.
However, a rainy and cool start to the summer has some benefits. First, my electric bill has been low. When summer does arrive, the ComEd bill can be a horrific reminder of just how much air conditioning costs. Some baby rabbits have also made a home beneath the concrete pad that anchors my air conditioner. I’m sure they’ll leave as soon as I fire up that bad boy.
Another perk of the gloomy weather is that my lawn looks AWESOME! I haven’t had to water the grass at all this year, and it looks better than some summers where I spend hours running hoses, adjusting sprinklers and spreading fertilizer.
I tried describing these perks to my 18-year-old babysitter the other day. She was bummed about the wet and cool start to summer. As I was describing some of the benefits of the gloomy weather, I soon realized I sounded very old. Thus, I’m going to end this blog post with a simple request: Please send good weather for Bubba’s Birthday Party on Saturday.
Not long ago, I wrote a column in the Daily Journal about kids and cursing. I spoke with an associate professor at Governors State University who specializes in childhood communication. Catherine Balthazar lectures extensively on how kids learn to speak. During the interview, she recalled a story about her own child overhearing the dreaded “F-word.”
Of course, he repeated it. This immediately caused a reaction from Balthazar. Though the reaction was negative, there was also something attractive about a word with such power. A word that once said immediately causes eyebrows to raise and tempers to flair is irresistible for a toddler. Thus, the word was often repeated in a form of defiance, Balthazar recalled.
So far, my 2 1/2-year-old son, Bubba, hasn’t dropped an “F-bomb.” However, he has picked up something else that causes a similar reaction in our house. I am a White Sox fan. My sons have numerous Sox outfits including hats, onsies and windbreakers with the team logo. We watch almost every game together on television.
I don’t HATE the Cubs, but I really don’t care for them either. The few Cub fans I consider friends (this also includes several relatives) often tease me about my allegiance. Lately, there teasing has come in the form of teaching my sons the “Go Cubs, Go.” song.
Bubba picked up on this and began singing the North Side anthem at the dinner table. This caused my eyebrows to raise and face to redden. My reaction only caused him to sing louder, until I yelled, “Get out of my house!”
Have the kids cracked any books open since they have been out of school?
Not yet?
Ours haven’t either.
I guess my husband thought they needed a little bit of a break while they were on summer break.
Not for long though.
I was talking about summer and books and other stuff with some friends of ours who have kids that are just a few years younger than our two and the Dad asked, “How do you define your family’s classic books?”
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The volume of dangers in the world calls for kids to be informed.
It is part of their learning how to protect themselves.
Internet dangers are at the top of the list, especially if you have a teen and/or a tween in the house.
Our rule is to leave the laptop in a space everyone can see it. We parents make a point of frequently walking by and checking up on them to see where they have visited online. It is not spying. It is parenting.
If the child doesn’t know better, he or she will probably become a victim.
The same goes for summertime freedom. It isn’t like when we parents were growing up; it is more dangerous. Just look at the front page on Monday and the story about the firefighter/paramedic who was arrested and the charges he faces.
We learn so much from current events, which eventually become part of learning from history.
Our family was already talking about how we can prevent potentially dangerous situations after watching the movie “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas” on Saturday night at church along with our family and some friends.
This is one of those rare cases where we had not read the book first, so really weren’t sure what to expect and relied a lot on the PG-13 rating system and the fact that we knew it would be sad because it was about a concentration camp and involved some children.
If you have not seen the movie, do plan to rent it and do not want to learn anything about it before you see it. You may want to stop reading this blog entry now and run out and rent it. It is very educational.
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Today is National Bubba Day! That’s right, June 2nd has been unofficially singled out to celebrate all men, women and children named (or nicknamed) Bubba.
My 2 1/2-year-old son (pictured here) was nicknamed Bubba by his mother. Just days after his birth, she said, “Come on Bub” while encouraging him to breast-feed. It was cute, and it stuck.
Legally, Bubba and I share the same first name - Howard. This is also the same first name as my father, grandfather and great grandfather, making Bubba the fifth in a long line of Howards. This can make Christmas confusing when four men with the same name gather in the same room. Nicknaming the youngest of this motley crew Bubba has proven helpful in such situations.
I knew Bubba wasn’t a unique nickname, but the fact that someone has created an unofficial holiday around the name was a surprise. Then again, June 2nd is also National Leave Work Early Day. Further proving that having an unofficial day of recognition isn’t that big of a deal.
Wikipedia says the name Bubba is short for the word “brother” and often given to the eldest male sibling. The term seems to have Southern roots, though it also has meaning in Hebrew. In this culture, Bubba is an endearing word used to describe a young girl, or in some cases a small male child.
I was first told of the Southern roots of my son’s name by Paula Deen. I interviewed the Queen of Southern Cooking shortly after her holiday cookbook debuted. I conducted the interview in her hotel room as she and her husband Michael lay in bed after a long day of promoting the book.
After the interview, I saw Paula in the lobby. I introduced her to The Wife and our then infant son. She held baby Bubba in her arms and told me, “Bubba is Southern for brother.” It was an adorable brush with fame that I’ll never forget.
