Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to deal with old age.
Okay, I just turned 29 in February. But on some days, my body tells me that I’m much older than I want to be. My legs and knees feel as they’ve weakened, which concerns me because I can hardly wait to get back on the basketball courts this summer.
And perhaps, worst of all, my hair isn’t growing all the way out in one spot. (I cut my hair fairly low so no one can see it.) That’s right, I’m worried about going bald already. My dad and uncles all sport bald heads, and they were all about my age when their hair follicles became stubborn.
Working two jobs for the last six months and having a second child has, indeed, increased my stress levels. But I believe there may be another reason for my loss of hair.
It’s Zion constantly pulling out hers.
Almost all day, everyday, my 15-month-old, darling daughter grabs at her hair. She’ll do it in her sleep; my wife and I have cringed after finding strands of hair in her bed in the morning.
We think it has become a coping mechanism for Zion, as she deals with whatever stresses she faces from day to day. Having a handsome, little brother named Jayden, who “steals her show” sometimes, has been rough for her.
We asked the kids recently to name some of their heroes.
Grandma, Grandpa, soldiers, Jesus, Sunday School teachers, youth group teachers, school teachers, extracurricular activity leaders and good friends were among those topping the list after they had really thought about it.
You don’t have to look far. There are so many caring people out there.
The conversation then started wandering to a bigger world picture and some famous people who helped bring about great changes.
“Most of those famous people are dead now,” adds the son.
We’re big fans of history and documentaries on DVD and that may be the extent of our vacation this year.
Grace turned 3 on Wednesday, but the events that day were nothing compared to the excitement leading up to the big circus party on Sunday. The kids had so much fun, I’m beginning to think I should go into the party planning business.
All right, I’ll admit the circus party wasn’t entirely my idea. My mom was the brainchild, but I ran with it — and it turned out really cute. We have 25 friends and family attend, and the 13 kids had a blast.
It all began with a roll of tickets I found at GFS. When the kids arrived they were all handed 25 tickets to use at the party. There were an array of games I set up outdoors to play. You could play bozo buckets for four tickets, walk the tightrope or play the penny toss onto plates for two, try your hand at juggling or cast a reel for a magnetic fish for three tickets, or get your face painted for four tickets. If you won any of these games, you got double the amount of tickets paid back.
How big is your footprint?
I was doing some household number crunching one evening when I came across a Web site where you calculate your carbon footprint.
I was just about to start the quick little survey and find out what the family’s score was when I decided I better go to the kitchen and get supper started.
Meanwhile, the daughter (who had apparently finished her homework already, hee, hee) sneaks over to the laptop and plops herself down in the chair and takes over the mouse and keyboard. Interesting, considering I had not mentioned what I was working on at the computer. All of a sudden she starts hollering out questions for me to answer so she can complete the little quiz and we can find out what size of a “big, bad environmental shoe” the family wears. We live in a small house, so I probably exaggerated the “hollering” part. You can hear the person just about anywhere in the house.
She was having fun calculating our carbon footprint.
What’s up, lil’ man?
Hey, big guy.
Come here, son.
Those are just a few of the lines I use when interacting with my 2-month-old son, Jayden. With each passing day, I’ve become more proud that I have a son.
I know that probably sounds strange, seeing that I am a man. But some of you may remember how last month, I blogged about the difficulties I had in trying to bond with Jayden.
On March 25, I wrote that the connection was nowhere near as close as it was with my daughter, who has a personality that can light up a room. And has the cutest face that you’ll ever find.
But no longer am I giving special privileges in my heart to my firstborn, baby girl. Having my son is now the coolest thing in the world. It simply took some soul searching to discover what was hindering my relationship with him.
For one, my wife and I had to come up with a cool nickname for him. (It’s J.J. , by the way.) I just couldn’t call him something flowery like, “Boo,” or “Pretty Girl,” like I call Zion.
Also, it felt uncomfortable for me to kiss Jayden on his cheeks like I did with Zion when she was a newborn. I kind of felt that I had to be macho and do something more cool like shake his little hands while greeting him. (more…)
Last week, I wrote a column about attending a playgroup for same-sex parents. The column earned some feedback on the Daily Journal’s Web site. Some good. Some bad.
I find the whole concept of gay and lesbian families very interesting. There hasn’t been much written about these non-traditional families until recently. One of the most recent studies comes from the “Journal of Economic Perspectives.” Professor Dan A. Black of the University of Chicago along with Seth Sanders of the University of Maryland and Lowell Taylor of Carnegie Mellon University published their paper titled, “The Economics of Lesbian and Gay Families” in the Journal’s spring edition.
Using data from the 2000 census, Black and the gang concluded “that gays and lesbians are not innately different from heterosexuals, but that biological and social constraints affect many of their decisions.” This particularly holds true when it comes to raising a family.
Some of the highlights of the paper include:
* Gays and lesbians have fewer children than heterosexual couples. Only 38 percent of heterosexual couples do not have children, while 77.9 percent of lesbian couples and 90.3 percent of gay male couples have no children. Biology is the main factor for the discrepancy. However, the authors also site discrimination towards same-sex couples as an added barrier to large families. Such discrimination is often seen through increased fees for same-sex couples interested in adoption and more red tape issues.
* Lesbian couples are more likely than gay male couples to have children. As a result, lesbians are less likely to settle in expensive urban areas.
* Gay male couples are often located in upscale cities. In fact, there are more gay male couples than heterosexual couples living in several posh cities including San Francisco, Austin, Los Angeles, New York and Seattle. Black and his co-authors argue that because gay male couples do not tend to have children, they have more disposable income. This extra income is often spent living in high-amenity, urban areas.
* Gay and lesbian couples with children are more likely to have a stay-at-home partner. Similar to heterosexual couples, the partner who stays home in a same-sex relationship usually has fewer years of formal education.
It’s amazing what you can learn by looking into people’s wallets. I guess economics really is a social science.
About once a month, I get an email from a very excited PR agent, claiming to have a “revolutionary” product for dads. The press release goes on to explain how more men are getting involved in parenting. “Changing diapers isn’t something today’s dads can avoid,” the snappy press release reveals.
Then comes the pitch. “That’s why Daddy Corp. (I just made up that company name) has unveiled a new diaper bag for dudes!” This is where I inevitably groan and roll my eyes.
I don’t know why so many companies set out to make the perfect daddy diaper bag. Over the past year, I’ve received publicity pitches for camouflage diaper bags and diaper bags made to look like the sort of tool bags electricians, plumbers and handymen carry on a job site.
The latest pitch came this week for something called the Daddy Tool Belt. I’ve pasted a picture of this bizaar fanny pack below. Besides diapers and diaper rash cream, the Daddy Tool Belt is also equipped with safety goggles, an breathing mask and metal utility tongs.
Good grief! This looks more like props for the stage version of “3 Men and a Little Lady” than the necessary gear for child care. Honestly, this thing must be gag gift. Right?
Wrong. The company’s Web site claims, “Our mission is to equip new fathers with all of the tools that they need to be the best, most involved, dad that they can be.” I guess that means a pair of 11-inch tongs to so you don’t have to actually touch a soiled diaper.
My advice to any new parent - mom or dad - in the market for a diaper bag is to go with something universal. Both mom and dad are going to be using the diaper bag, so don’t get something too girlie for mom or too tough for dad.
Our diaper bag looks like a backpack. It is black and gray with plenty of pockets for pacifiers, Goldfish crackers, diapers, wipes and a changing pad. Nothing fancy. Nothing gender specific. Just a bag that either mom or dad can take with them on the way out the door.
“What’s that gas can doing hanging from that B-25 Mitchell Bomber?”
“Hey, you’re right this time,” I said to our 10-year-old son after checking the sign on the other side of the huge airplane. The little, red plastic container had become a donation place to help with the restoration costs of the North American TB-25N Mitchell parked inside the Octave Chanute Aerospace Museum in Rantoul.
The boy recognized it from the movie “Peal Harbor” and more specifically, the Doolittle Raiders portion of that movie.
Yesterday, my wife and I were talking with a few of her co-workers about being a new parent and having to wake up during the middle of the night for bottle feedings.
The conversation started when one co-worker, who will have a new baby soon, said she’s not looking forward to getting up and walking downstairs to her kitchen to make a bottle.
So Alicia and I shared with her and others, a system that has worked best for us over the past two years. When my son Jayden cries during the wee hours, we have a bottle made in a flash. That’s because we pour water into about four bottles and place them, along with a can of formula, on a nightstand before any of us doze off.
Like Zion, Jayden has never had to cry long before his little belly was filled.
But when we told the small group about our system, one co-worker asked, “You give (the bottle) to him at room temperature?” An older mother of two school-aged children, she was shocked.
Right away, I sort of questioned what we’d been doing. Every time my mom comes down, she gets on me for not warming Jayden’s bottle.
“You gotta knock that chill off,” says my mom, who like many others her age, think Alicia and I do things totally different from the mothers of old.
As many of you know, the past two weeks have been extremely difficult for my family and I.
Around this time last Friday, we were all cooped up inside Riverside Medical Center because my two kids had contracted respiratory syncytial virus, better known as RSV. The highly contagious condition that causes infection of the lungs and breathing passages, took a toll on my little ones.
Jayden was so congested that I thought he’d stop breathing while we were in the hospital; it was hard for the 6-week-old to take a bottle at times because he needed to use his mouth to breathe.
Like her brother, Zion had a cough so rough that she sounded like an adult. She constantly cried because she couldn’t breathe nor could she eat in peace. RSV just wouldn’t allow her keep food down. She would lie inside her mammoth-sized crib in agony. She also cringed every time a respiratory therapist would wave a nebulizer hose in front of her nose to relieve her congestion.
My normally happy babies just weren’t themselves. But thank God everything’s OK.
Yesterday afternoon, Zion and Jayden made it to their shared follow-up doctor visit and the physician said they are making progress. She said they need to continue taking daily breathing treatments for another week or so, and the RSV would wear off.
Fortunately, my mother was able to stay a few extra days this week to make sure the babies didn’t have to go out into the cold, rainy weather we’ve had. And my wife and I were able to return to work without getting them ready in the morning.
Throughout the week, my wife and I were overwhelmed by the enormous amount of support we received. Tons of people — friends, co-workers, readers of The Daily Journal — inquired about the kids’ health. Some people even donated money and cooked delicious meals for us.
Most important of all, people kept us in their prayers.
Never again do I want to go throughout experience — having two kids in the hospital at one time. But by going through it, I was able to see just how compassionate many Kankakee area residents are.
So again, thank you.
